The following are notes written from an interview with a friend about who they are and what identity means to them. Through these brainstorms and interviews, I have found that most people feel slightly lost, but they could actually unite in the way that they feel, as the same issues are arising with everyone I have spoken to:
Natalie, London
Identity to me is made up of a few things formed from the 'nature vs. nurture' theory. I think it's quite complex a bit like trying to define what your soul is. But I believe the essence of my identity has always been with me (inside me) from when I was born and as I live and grow up and experience things the potential for my identity to be cultivated and matured is realised. I, therefore, think it is a mixture of nature AND nurture and a mixture of who I am from birth, which was out of my control (what sex I am, who my parents are, what my name is, where I was born, brought up etc) to who I am now through my choices (what I ware, what I eat, do, study, who I'm friends with etc).
I think from a very young age you take and form your identity undoubtedly from your parents in what they believe and say to and about you. I certainly believe my identity is rooted originally in what my parent's believed and said about and to me and this shaped initially to some degree in how I behaved and thought but not necessarily completely as I also have a strong faith in God and for me reading the Bible and discovering what God thinks and says about me also shapes my identity. As I grow older I test my parent's beliefs and words as well as the worlds (friends, colleagues, bosses, teachers etc) and decide what I want to accept and what I need to reject. I think the words people speak over/about you are key in developing who you are and have such a strong affect, whether we know it or not, but only if you let them.
I have personally had a real struggle with my identity in terms of 'not being good enough' stemming from a few words my mother flippantly said to me as a child, not meaning to harm me, but they took root and I allowed them to fester and have lived my life trying to work hard, impress, do my best, make people like me, be a good daughter, in order to be 'good enough'. It is only now in this stage of my life that I am realising that this has held, and is holding, me back and I am trying to change my identity inside to knowing I am a confident, capable, creative woman who is more than good enough to do whatever I want to do. The people who know me know that I often change my appearance, hair style and colour frequently and I wonder if this is partly due to my creative expression but also partly to do with trying to fit in and make people like me. I was bullied a bit as a child and always clung to wanting a best friend to tie my identity to but I slowly learnt that you have to have your own identity (even if you don't know what it is yet)), be your own person, true to yourself in what you like, don't like, think, believe, want in life - an individual. You can then gather and make friends with people who share and oppose your views and complement each other, without feeling rejected or alone because you are who you are and you like it!
So many people seem to cling to the negative things said to them as a child and let it affect the rest of their lives, and are deeply wounded by people's words no matter if those people are stupid idiots who have no relation to them or not. But they are often not aware that this is having such a strong effect on them. I am only just learning now and trying to do something about it. I have created an 'I am tree' in my room by buying some blossom branches and then writing positive words on colourful paper tags and hanging them on the tree, repeating them out loud to myself as I write them and hang them up. Another thing my friend has suggested (she studies child psycho-therapy using the arts) is to look at myself in the mirror (in the eye) and say all the things I like about myself. You won't believe how hard I find this to do - I was surprised!
I now want to make it my mission to encourage people by speaking only positive words over them and cutting off negative thought patterns as soon as they start to appear in myself (harder than you think). I also want to do this through creativity (design, art, photography, poetry, crafts) as I feel there is a level of silent communication that is profound and can sink into people’s hearts and souls deeper letting people decide what they want it to mean and say to them.
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